a few thoughts....

Well...I was thinking today...I sort of enjoy a lot of my craziness and that has helped me out a lot. Becoming "responsible" is a wonderful thing, but I sure hope I don't lose the "magic" of my odd way of seeing things. I guess I felt kind of bad at school today. I have a spring program coming up and usually they are big whoop di dos with all kinds of amazing scenery made from boxes, duct tape, glue and glitter...and to me, the stages are BEAUTIFUL. This year's show will not have scenery...which is ok I guess, but as I look at some of my props and things, I wonder if I've been fooling myself. Before, I made up a "flag routine" and today I looked at the flags...and I wondered what I had been seeing before. I had thought they were quite beautiful, but today I only could see broomsticks from brooms that I bought at the dollar store, with red white and blue fringe for the flag and gold glitter on the tip....maybe pretty tacky? But why I am not seeing them as beautiful???? Please don't let me lose the magic that usually lets me see things through kid's eyes instead of grown up eyes....Just kind of a ramble. HOWEVER....another little insight kind of popped into my brain. I have no budget at school for programs....well, I do....but it's $100 total for both schools for the entire year. I realized today how much I have "supplemented" that budget over the years. I was frustrated today, because I wanted to buy some additional fringe, I might need some more bandanas or at least fabric to make some, I wanted some sequined trim and I need to purchase a $30 download of a CD for the show. ARRRRGH. Before, I would have just charged anything I thought I needed. Phooey. Now, because I'm "responsible" I'm not doing that..so I have to figure out some other ways to make things happen. :(

Why????

Why has it been so long since I have posted?? A good question, since I have so much to say...but I think that is part of the reason. It was just too much to tell about. God's provisions have been astounding. Basically that is the only way to put it...astounding. From a little check that arrived right on time...especially when I had forgotten I was getting it, to a totally free replacement piano, to my mortgage company calling ME to lower my rate (and yes, it happened), to a wonderfully lost credit card, to friends who have helped with a repair on my lawn mower. These things make me want to literally dance for joy. I feel 1000% more free and honest than I have felt in years and years and years. Self respect is growing too. Last year, I had someone cut my lawn...I really couldn't afford it...she did do a nice job...I was always late paying her....and it added to the justifiably crummy opinion I had of myself. This year, so far....I am cutting the lawn and doing the outside work. OH....don't forget, the two wonderful men from church who came over and got rid of all kinds of brush and insanity that had been growing everywhere, but the other stuff I have been doing and I feel a sense of pride. Not bragging pride....just feeling like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Are my battles won?? NO....Much to do in the house and as I have said before, the debt will probably take 2 years to whittle down. I'm ok with that. I'm happy. I'm trying to live honestly and not shirk what I'm supposed to be doing anymore. It is a good feeling. Thank you Lord...for all of the friends you have given me and all the ways you have made Yourself known to me.