a few thoughts....

Well...I was thinking today...I sort of enjoy a lot of my craziness and that has helped me out a lot. Becoming "responsible" is a wonderful thing, but I sure hope I don't lose the "magic" of my odd way of seeing things. I guess I felt kind of bad at school today. I have a spring program coming up and usually they are big whoop di dos with all kinds of amazing scenery made from boxes, duct tape, glue and glitter...and to me, the stages are BEAUTIFUL. This year's show will not have scenery...which is ok I guess, but as I look at some of my props and things, I wonder if I've been fooling myself. Before, I made up a "flag routine" and today I looked at the flags...and I wondered what I had been seeing before. I had thought they were quite beautiful, but today I only could see broomsticks from brooms that I bought at the dollar store, with red white and blue fringe for the flag and gold glitter on the tip....maybe pretty tacky? But why I am not seeing them as beautiful???? Please don't let me lose the magic that usually lets me see things through kid's eyes instead of grown up eyes....Just kind of a ramble. HOWEVER....another little insight kind of popped into my brain. I have no budget at school for programs....well, I do....but it's $100 total for both schools for the entire year. I realized today how much I have "supplemented" that budget over the years. I was frustrated today, because I wanted to buy some additional fringe, I might need some more bandanas or at least fabric to make some, I wanted some sequined trim and I need to purchase a $30 download of a CD for the show. ARRRRGH. Before, I would have just charged anything I thought I needed. Phooey. Now, because I'm "responsible" I'm not doing that..so I have to figure out some other ways to make things happen. :(

Why????

Why has it been so long since I have posted?? A good question, since I have so much to say...but I think that is part of the reason. It was just too much to tell about. God's provisions have been astounding. Basically that is the only way to put it...astounding. From a little check that arrived right on time...especially when I had forgotten I was getting it, to a totally free replacement piano, to my mortgage company calling ME to lower my rate (and yes, it happened), to a wonderfully lost credit card, to friends who have helped with a repair on my lawn mower. These things make me want to literally dance for joy. I feel 1000% more free and honest than I have felt in years and years and years. Self respect is growing too. Last year, I had someone cut my lawn...I really couldn't afford it...she did do a nice job...I was always late paying her....and it added to the justifiably crummy opinion I had of myself. This year, so far....I am cutting the lawn and doing the outside work. OH....don't forget, the two wonderful men from church who came over and got rid of all kinds of brush and insanity that had been growing everywhere, but the other stuff I have been doing and I feel a sense of pride. Not bragging pride....just feeling like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Are my battles won?? NO....Much to do in the house and as I have said before, the debt will probably take 2 years to whittle down. I'm ok with that. I'm happy. I'm trying to live honestly and not shirk what I'm supposed to be doing anymore. It is a good feeling. Thank you Lord...for all of the friends you have given me and all the ways you have made Yourself known to me.

addendum to 3/6

You may be wondering, "why is that woman yakking about not using credit cards? I thought she stopped that months ago." Aha.....sad but true.....I did stop and then Christmas came and I lost all of my resolve. :( A trip to fla, presents I could not afford...etc. etc. etc. THEN...the credit card companies did the best favor they could have ever done to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They lowered all my available credit to right over what I owed. I was furious.....NOW I AM REJOICING. I can't use credit....there is only a little bit available and in addition to lowering the available credit, they more than tripled my interest rate. I am NOT rejoicing about that...oh yeah...thanks President O.....you made all of that nonsense possible....but I am DONE with credit cards. Forever and ever...hallelujah, hallelujah...I am trying to do something about that ridiculous rate increase, but the rest of it is good...very, very, good. It is a huge road to pay them off, but I can do it. AND....another provision....I am always worried about being about to fly somewhere on a moments notice....I just unexpectedly earned a free trip on Southwest.....SO............that is there if I need it!!!!!!!!!!! So..............as far as I am concerned...using credit cards is dancing with the devil.....and he will do the leading.....they are enslaving, torturous, and evil (for someone like me). I declare my independence from them. Yes, yes, yes...I wish I had done it years ago, but I didn't and that is that...so I better get over it and get on with it. That's all for now, folks. BTW....I'm going to start up a beginners guitar class for kiddos....probably mondays at church. spread the word.

3/6

well, I am greatly pleased to report that it has been over 2 months since I have used a credit card. I am GREATLY PLEASED. Right now though, is where the rubber meets the road. I have been overspending for so long that I can see how it is going to take at least one more month to get everything straight....not paid off.....ha.....but straight. Locked down, no extra spending...everything PAID for. Now, I am also pleased to report a couple of provisions....yes....small...but they pleased me greatly just to know God knows. I will report about the piano later on today, and that was a HUGE provision...but right now, I will tell you about a little one. I have things pretty much allocated for the next 10 days and there is NOTHING extra. Which is fine. HOWEVER....I had forgotten about a certain bridal shower. :( So, my thoughts included skipping the shower (lame) going to the shower and giving a present later (even more lame) getting something out of the stash of gifts I have upstairs (possible, but not exactly what I wanted to do) SO............I looked at the registry, found several well priced items and then was re-looking at the week to figure out where I could squeeze that money. Hadn't quite gotten through that, when I decided to open my birthday present from my mom early. :) It was a beautiful purse and absolutely gorgeous wallet....the prettiest wallet EVER....and lo and behold, tucked in the wallet was EXACTLY the amount of money I had decided I should spend on a shower present. Doesn't that make you want to jump for joy!!!!!!!!! It did me. So, I could NOT be happier.....I got a beautiful birthday present AND the money I needed and wanted to take care of someone else. Hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If this is Tuesday, we must still be snowed in....

Ok...things are not looking good out there...Just a little overcast, but wild stuff supposedly on the way. I am now the proud owner of several large boulders of snow right in front of my driveway. thank you, snow plow...I know you didn't do it on purpose, but how come the boulders don't form in front of the lawn???? A mystery I suppose...Anyway...What did I accomplish yesterday. Shredding A LOT of paper and totally trashing my family room. Goal for today??Finish shredding, consolidate books. I have too many. A LOT need to go. ARe we having a yard sale at church???If so, I wish there was a place to take stuff NOW...that would help a lot. I guess I'll sort them out....put the Christian ones aside for the yard sale and give the others to good will....or something. OK....that's it's for now. Have to figure out what, if anything, I need to do to get ready for this next storm. Crazy. so, my bets are the next time we'll be in school is next Tuesday....we are supposed to be OFF on Monday for presidents day....I wonder if they can pull that one back? I don't think anyone would mind. The seniors are making out like bandits this year. THey are DONE the first of June...so are their teachers. They have to go to school (the teachers) but no kids. Big sigh.....jus have to keep on keeping on

still here....

Ok...here are my goals for today.....i would like to finishing shredding....I have 2 big boxes and I think I can get this done. I have packed up 3 more boxes of books. I am having a problem figuring out where my music stuff should go.....I am going to set a time goal of 12:30. By then, I will be ready to get OUT OF DODGE a little. I went for a walk with my dogs....not very successfully I might add. Kind of tough getting around.

My take on it.....

I'm a teacher and of course, summer vacation is very important to me. We have already "lost" one week and it looks as though another is seriously in danger of going "poof" as well. SOOOOO.....this is what I think. The fact that I do battle with my house is not a secret to anyone. Every year when summer hits, I have to tackle it before I can even go away to all of the visits i need to do..... Last year, I purposely scheduled a 6am flight the day after school got out to MAKE myself "get it done" so that I could leave. What I did was sob and curse as I dragged bag after bag and box after box to "stash" them away so I would have some kind of a path for my dog sitters. My dog sitters who did not even want to return after the first week. :( So....I have made little bits of progress over the year, but I will look at this time as a gift when I can get some of this "done" then I will have my "real vacation" time to not have to deal with it. Does that make sense? Will I get it all done? No....Will I make some progress??? ABsolutely. It will be a joy to have my downstairs and my bedroom all set. Not just "stashed and dashed" but squared away like a normal person. That's all for now....

May be big....may be small

Guess it depends on how you look at it. I can honestly, happily, and amazingly say that I have NOT used any credit card, at all....not one bit...in over a month. That makes me glad.

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How people thought I had disapeared from my "quest" for all time????? Come on, now....be honest..........HA.....I'm back......yes, I was distracted by Christmas and all the prep of the programs.....that pretty much takes up a lot of my brain cells....BUT...I'm back. This is what you can watch for....the poundage of "stuff" being removed from my house. Stuff equaling, junk, clothing and whatever strange and unusual items I decide needs to go away. so....first up is a 17 lb bag of junk gleaned from my bedroom and from Jenny's bedroom. A fine start. More to come. Stay tuned. What do you think should be a good goal for the pounds dumped????????? I'm open to suggestions.

Hooray...

I am back. I am ok with being back. I KNOW everyone always thinks that they have the cutest grandchild, but I'm sorry to have to correct them...I DO! I DO, I DO, I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is soooooooooooooo cute, and sooooooooooooo funny. Such an absolute sweetie pie. Very busy, but not too much. He loves his toys, and he LOVES books...except sometimes he eats them. Not so good. He is content to sit and look at a book and if you read fast enough, well, he'll sit and listen. He does an fantastic George Bush laugh, which makes me laugh. My favorite part????? Chasing a naked little boy around the house trying to get him in his bath!!!!!! Soooooooooo funny.......The next favorite part was our trip to Savannah....it was COLD, COLD, COLD. A friend of Christy's from the Naval Academy, Chelsea, Chelsea's mom, Christy, Logan and I took on my old stomping grounds. I lived there in the early 80's when I played in the symphony and actually got married there. So...we did the waterfront, had lunch, walked around and then went to the Tea Room for afternoon tea. We had a hysterical time, but it wasn't due to the outstanding service or food....because the service and the food was NOT outstanding. But actually because of that, it just got funnier and funnier....kind of an expensive laugh, but very funny. Logan slept through most of it, then he woke up and HE thought everything was funny too...which then made us laugh even more. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...this is a whole bunch of babble, but it was fun and i'm back and I'm ok with being back. TTYL

Christmas eve....

Christmas eve has always been my favorite....the anticipation, the pretty presents under the tree....the sense of magic. No, I don't mean real magic....I mean magic magic....try to figure that one out. This Christmas eve I am a mixture of feelings...nervousness...I don't know why....very nervous. Some contentment....kind of at the last minute I decided to put up my tree and I am SOOOOOOOOOO glad I did...I even put it in my family room where I have NEVER put it before...but that is where I usually am, so that is where the tree is too. It is grand....it is right here in front of me and there are presents under it and it makes me happy. I also put up my santa snow scene, also in my family room and a couple of other things.....I am pleased. Believe it or not, I'm going to do a little more decorating today. TODAY???? What kind of insanity is this????? Well....it's been busy, and Matt and his gf are coming over for dinner before church and if I can go bonkers to decorate for a 25 minute show at school or church, I would think i can do a bit here for them. So....that is basically the scoop. I am glad it is Christmas eve....if you think of it, please pray for safe travel for me as I drive to bwi very early tomorrow morning....very, very early.....I am going to see Christy and family and my good friend is staying here while I am gone. Love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas is coming.....

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat....please put a penny in the old man's hat. If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do...if you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you. I am re-grouping....how MANY times have I said that? But, I am.....so....have a wonderful Christmas.....and it the words of Arnold....I'll be back. :)

a small testimony....

Well...yesterday, I was so stressed out with all of these shows coming up, I was ready to just throw up. It was bad. So, I made a list. All the loose ends...all the worries....all the "stuff". Then, this morning, I went through the list and prayed specifically for each item. I didn't necessarily "dictate" the desired answer...just giving them up to God. SO.....I started off at school today and the stress immediately built....due to a lot of scheduling issues, I didn't think it was going to be remotely possible to get this show ready for the 10th...including that I can't decorate the stage until the 9th. That just isn't enough time...to try to teach all my classes, and do rehearsals and get the stage set up. Miracle of miracles...I went to see the principal about a couple of other things and lo and behold, she is getting a sub for me on the 9th so I can have the whole day to get ready. THis is amazing....absolutely amazing. I would NEVER have asked for that....but this way I can be at school all day but concentrating totally on the show and getting the stage decorated. wahoo. God gave me immeasurably MORE than I would have considered asking for.....very, very humbling.

Guess what I just did????????? I just finished shredding all the stuff I had set aside to shred. How about that???? pretty pleased with myself...at least with that. Much to do in the morning...but I think I'll finish up a couple more things tonight. Who cares, right???????? Nobody...but I'm telling ya anyway. :)

a very good day...

Yesterday, Sunday, was a very good day. WHy??? Well....I'm not 100% sure....but church was good, I had lunch with some good friends, came home, took a nap!, worked on some things in the house and MADE SOME PROGRESS. 3 trashbags of shred and old magazines and envelopes etc. Pretty impressive, huh????? Personally, I was VERY impressed and just a little bit relieved...actually a lot relieved. So....I have to go...much to do before school and what the next few days hold in store....so.........ttyl.

back....

well...it's been almost a month since I've written....why? Because I quit...I gave up. finito. Discouragement, disillusionment, disapointment, detour......I think detour is the most important d word. I don't remember where I was a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't know where I was going (driving) and without knowing that precise location, it took me considerably longer than the folks who could picture where it was they were headed. DOes that sentence even remotely make sense? Well...this is the thing I'm hanging on to right now... I don't have a goal...I don't know where I'm going...and because of that, it is taking me considerably longer to get there. I'm trying hard to figure out a goal...then maybe I can get back on track. that's all for now.

On the road....

I am currently in the Charlotte NC airport and I even managed to score one of the rocking chairs near an outlet. I have 2 hours+ before my flight to JAX. I left Michigan this morning. Soo, the celebration of life service was yesterday. It was not a traditional service in the way we might have expected, but it was as Steve had requested. It was not without sadness of course....but my niece did an amazing job continually focusing things on happy memories. It was a day with some challenges. I had offered to organize and prepare etc. the food for the reception afterward and thankfully another lady was involved too. It was a lot of work , but I'm very glad I did it. Today I'm tired and I really wonder if my feet have it in them to walk all the way down to concourse b to Bo'Jangles chicken. :) My favorite thing at the charlotte airport. I don't know...I think the rocking chair might win out. I did see some noteworthy things on this first half of my trip. Michigan is in the midst of a beautiful fall. The trees are SO much prettier there than in Salisbury. It was crisp and beautiful. I saw a house made out of stone. Very interesting...round stones.....an old house made out of old stones. I saw deer eating apples in my mom's backyard. I saw me running through the Philly airport to make my flight. Yes, I did make it with about 1 minute to spare. I saw balloons being released in honor of my nephew in law. I saw my brother and his family rally around my niece in a wonderful fashion. Things I always wonder about when I travel. Do people REALLY want to share their phone conversations with me????? I'd be just as happy without that honor. Why do roller bags ALWAYS tip over backwards? WOuld it have been rude to have told the annoyingly perky flight attendant, that she was in fact ANNOYINGLY PERKY? (I did not. ) Have you ever noticed that when you travel, either all people look completely unfamiliar, or they all look like you know them from somewhere. I wonder WHY the lady I just saw, was pushing an empty baby stroller and was wearing black pants that looked like a wet suit...or perhaps liquid rubber, sprayed on. Whatever...I don't know where the baby went AND the rubber pants look on the mom was definately not a good look. I think I could make a career out of this. Sitting in the airport writing random things about people who walk by. Could be a market for it....as long I was didn't sucumb to total rudeness which is alway possible. Ok...that's it....ttyl

a song for the day...

OK...by now if you haven't figured it out I am extremely lazy and extremely side track able...i can get off on a tangent as easy as breath. BUT....today I am doing some cleaning and I decided to let myself just be my own happy scattered mess....do a little of this, a little of that...a little of whatever. THis is NOT good practice because you end up getting nothing done, but i think it will be ok today. NOW...in this cleaning, I made a discovery...well, actually, not a discovery, but I decided to do something about a problem. Many people worry about dust bunnies under their beds? That doesn't even cross my radar. MY problem is the dust bunnies on my ceiling!!!!! Yes, it's true. I have one of those icky popcorn finish ceilings and well...let me put it this way....one really doesn't need to go to the Carlsbad caverns to see stalagtites and stalagmites, cause, baby, I've got 'em here. So they inspired a bit of a song....just imagine a country tune.....

Dust bunnies on the ceiling, ai'nt no problem for me at all....
Dust bunnies on the ceiling, ya really can't see them if you're small
Dust bunnies on the ceiling make me wonder every day....
How'd they ever get up there, what will make them go away....

Oh dust bunnies on the ceiling.....they make it look like the paint is peeling...
but if you consider them a work of art....you'll accept they never will depart.....


Not my best effort, but mildly amusing.

Tuesday....Oct 6???

Yes, I am still here. Trying to stay on track is more than a notion for me. The good news is this...God is in His heaven which means all is right with the world. In my world, things are ok, but it occurred to me yesterday that I had lost track of part of my original goal....yes, the money moratorium was half, but that was prompted by me realizing that I have everything I need HERE in my house to do some significant transformation. So...I will attempt to make that my focus...AGAIN. I got a good start on my kitchen window view.....but to me the fun part is the part I've forgotten about or ignored.....I have STUFF, I have creativity, I have resources......that is what I need to focus on.....so.....what was that saying?????????? Oh yes.....press on. :)

BORING....

That's what I've been lately....just plain boring. Why?? Just so overwhelmed with school, church, planning, Salvation Army, personal stuff....not bad...I'M FINE. Just my mind is pretty full with getting through each day right now....and it is hard to look to other things. My current project is playing up, or finding or discovering the best features of my house. HA! No, I'm serious...so the one I started last weekend was the view out of my kitchen window and that is what i am still working on. Got the monster bush pretty much chopped down, but I need some extra hand to help move my swing so I hope I can get that taken care of in the next couple of weeks....I think my "easily correctable" will be a few minutes of attention to my side porch....I think a little rearranging and a little attention will make it someplace I can actually sit. This IS the perfect weather for it....ok...so there are a couple of little projects...I think I can do that. Maybe I'll draft some help for the side porch....might be fun.......we'll see.